


The Go Ahead

by bitboozy



Series: Domesticated [33]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Romance, The baby goes to work!, This is a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21746521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitboozy/pseuds/bitboozy
Summary: A day Alec and Ellie have long been awaiting has arrived, but a fight threatens to ruin it.
Relationships: Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller
Series: Domesticated [33]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550554
Comments: 35
Kudos: 141





	1. Chapter 1

It’s 6am and Ellie is awake of her own accord. She has no idea how much sleep she’s gotten, because it just happens intermittantly throughout the day and night. Naps in between feedings, feedings in between naps. But every day for the last week, her alarm has gone off at 6am and she has somehow gotten up.

Quietly, she does her teeth and washes her face, then changes into workout clothing. At 6:15, she crawls on top of the bed and sits on her knees next to a sleeping Alec.

“Alec,” she whispers.

He grunts. She kisses his nose.

“Alec.”

He groans. She kisses his cheek.

“Just give me thirty seconds of your time.”

He grimaces, eyes still closed. “Of my sleep, you mean.”

She kisses his eyelid. “Mm-hmm.” Then kisses his cheek.

“You’re goin’?”

“Mm-hmm.” She kisses his pursed lips. Then the corner of his mouth.

His eyes open. She grins.

“Morning.” She kisses his lips again.

“You’re minty,” he says.

“ _You’re_ not.”

He frowns at her grumpily.

“I’m minty enough for both of us.” She kisses him again.

“Dunno how you’re doin’ this,” Alec comments, turning onto his back.

She places a hand on his chest and rubs it lightly. “I want my body back. And I want it bad.”

“You _have_ a body,” he tells her, reaching for her waist. “And a very nice one at that.”

“It’s not mine. But it’s getting there.”

He pulls her to him and kisses her collarbone.

“Have to go,” she reminds him. “Gym first. Then breakfast with Beth, then Dr. Sinclair.”

Alec nods sleepily. “So I’m takin’ the baby to work.”

“Yes.”

His eyes widen suddenly. “Wait. Sinclair’s today?”

Her eyes sparkle mischievously and she nods. “Mm-hmm.”

“So.”

“So.”

“Mmm…” He pulls her on top of him and brings his lips to her neck. “Finally.”

She chuckles. “We _hope_. He _could_ veto.”

He looks at her with alarm. “It’s your body. What do you think he’ll say?”

She lets him suffer for a moment then grins. “Got a good feeling.”

“Oh thank god.” He flips them over to that he’s on top of her.

“Alec, I have to _go_.”

“And _I_ have to shag you senseless.”

She gently pushes him off of her and crawls out from underneath him. “Not ‘til we have the go-ahead.”

He sighs heavily, falling onto his back. She gets out of bed and grabs her gym bag. She takes one last look in bassinet then heads for the door.

“I’ll pick the baby up at the station around 10 or so.” She breezily blows him a kiss. “Love you!”

*

It’s been two weeks since Alec has gone back to work, following a two week paternity leave. On his first day back, they brought the baby in, but didn’t allow her to leave her carrier, for fear of germs. Being premature, Aila is especially prone to infection and they have to be extra careful, especially in the winter.

Since Alec has gone back, Ellie has taken to going to the gym in the early mornings, while he gets the kids ready for school. She returns just in time for him to go to work. She’s utterly exhausted, but it helps her to feel good about herself during this time when 98% of her being is dedicated to a tiny human.

Alec rings them throughout the day, and texts. He’s always happy to be at work but he misses them more than he ever thought possible. He misses being at home with them, and misses having Ellie at work with him just as much. The place feels almost entirely foreign to him without her. The rest of CID has noticed he’s much grumpier than he’d been since getting together with Ellie. They could attribute it to lack of sleep, but they know it’s more a lack of her presence.

He’s been home by 5:30 on the dot every day since. He knows it’s not likely to last, but he'll eagerly leave the office as soon as possible until he can’t anymore.

Alec walks into CID, towing Aila in her carrier, around 9am. It’s later than he would normally arrive, but getting the whole family off and running in the morning without Ellie is a much more drawn out process.

Gasps and squeals of excitement accompany his arrival, as his colleagues and subordinates notice the carrier in his hand.

“Aila!” Harford cries excitedly, hopping out of her desk.

“Yes, yes,” Alec says grumpily. “Stop all the very important work you're doin’ simply because there’s a _baby_ in the buildin’.”

He places the carrier down on Ellie’s desk, which is currently cleaner than it’s ever been. Several people gather around to get a look at Aila, who is awake, alert, and very calm after the soothing car ride.

“She’s getting so big!” Nish observes.

“Still two pounds underweight, but growin’ steadily,” Alec confirms with a nod.

He finds himself very serious and very protective of Aila in the presence of others, and he isn’t sure exactly why. But especially at work, where it is extremely jarring for people to see their cranky shitface of a boss as the doting father to an infant, he is frequently on edge. He’s not sure how much he wants them to see.

But his normally stoic and hard-working team is utterly charmed by the baby. They seem to forget all else.

“Look at those eyes!”

“Her little fingers!”

“She’s so _quiet_.”

“Looks just like Ellie, doesn’t she?”

“Got the boss man’s serious little chin though.”

“ _His_ isn’t so little.”

Aila’s formerly neutral expression grows a bit strained as a result of all the attention.

“Oh, would you look at that, she’s got her dad’s grumpy face.”

With a haughty grunt, Alec waves them all back and turns the carrier to face him. The baby is indeed frowning. He almost laughs, it’s so adorable. He reaches in to unfasten her.

“All right, darlin’.” He lifts her out of the carrier and into his arms. “There, there.”

Aila relaxes in his arms, her expression returning to neutral, eyes wide and curious.

“Where’s Ellie this morning?” Nish asks.

The reminder alone is enough to send him. “Doctor.” All he wants to do is check his mobile for updates.

“Can I hold her?” Harford wonders a bit apprehensively.

Alec hesitates, looking around helplessly. But there’s no one to make the decision for him. “Uh, next time, maybe. Still a bit…vigilant about germs at the moment. She’s a magnet for infection.”

Harford is clearly disappointed but wears it well. “Fair enough then.”

“Can’t get over seeing you with a baby.” Donald is shaking his head.

“He’s gone soft!” Another sargeant adds.

Aila seems insulted on her father’s behalf and begins to fuss. He moves away from the crowd and toward his office.

“Come on then, lass, we’ve got work to do, haven’t we,” he says, then calling back to the rest, “Back to it, you lot!”

Alec sets his door slightly ajar, then sits down at his desk, holding Aila in on arm, propped up on his lap. With the other hand, he logs into his computer.

This is just about exactly how Ellie finds them forty-five minutes later, except Aila now has her pacifier in her mouth and Alec is bouncing her on his knee as he scrolls through CCTV on his computer. She’s changed out of her gym clothes into black flowy, stretchy trousers and a long-sleeved cotton button-down. She grins at them from the doorway and drops her gym bag onto the couch. Alec had heard the commotion when she’d stepped onto the floor, enthusiastic greetings from colleagues who miss her. And who miss her effect on _him_. She looks flushed from the attention.

“Hello, my loves!” She greets them, with a distinctly strong Mother Earth vibe.

She’s glowing, he thinks. Her early mornings at the gym do wonders for her, inside and out.

She moves briskly toward the desk. Aila is watching with anticipation as Ellie gets closer. She can’t quite smile yet, but her face is clearly alight with happiness at her mother’s arrival. Ellie holds her arms out and then lifts her out of Alec’s, kissing her cheeks over and over.

“My sweet _baby_.”

Aila’s big eyes seem to grow wide with love. Then Ellie holds her to her chest and leans down to give Alec a quick peck on the lips.

“All okay here?” She asks Alec, then looks at Aila. “Daddy’s putting you to work, is he?”

“Mostly hidin’ her from all the germs out there.”

Ellie walks over to the couch and sits down. “Oh, she’s all right. As long as everyone washes their hands first of course.”

Aila opens her mouth and presses it to Ellie’s breast through her top. She tries it several times, utterly confounded by her failure. Ellie glances over at a chuckling Alec and grins.

“Not very subtle, is she?” Ellie unbuttons her shirt most of the way, then peels down the cup of her nursing bra. Aila latches on immediately and enthusiastically. Ellie leans back against the couch, holding her as she eats.

“Possibly the cutest thing I’ve seen all day,” Alec observes.

“Only 10am, give her time,” Ellie quips.

He taps his pen anxiously against his desk. “…How was the gym?”

She raises an eyebrow and smiles slyly, knowing that’s not at all what he wants to be asking. “Very nice, thank you.”

He looks at her furtively. “…And breakfast with Beth?”

“A much-needed reprieve.”

“And, um.” He shifts, crossing one leg over the other. “…The doctor?”

“Ah, yes.” She crosses her legs and rubs Aila’s back.

He sits up stiffly. “ _Ellie_.”

After a beat, she offers him a little wink. “All clear.”

He straightens, eyes wide. “Really?”

“Oh yeah.”

He stands abruptly, though there’s no reason to. He suddenly feels he wants to hand Aila off to the nearest stranger and ravish Ellie right here on top of his desk.

She seems to sense this. “Sit back down.”

He does. Then clears his throat but says nothing.

“And guess what I’ve gone and done.”

He couldn’t _possibly_. “What.”

“How much do you love me?” She’s grinning like an imp.

He sighs. “Far too much for my own good.”

“Beth’s going to take Aila after Fred goes down.”

His eyes wide, a thrill overtaking him. “And – and – Tom and Daiz?”

Ellie rolls her eyes and shrugs her shoulders. “They can close their doors and turn on the bloody sound machines we got them,” she replies. “We’ll hand Aila off to Beth around 7:30, then pick her up a few hours later.”

“A few hours?”

“Well, we’re not doing an overnight, not yet.”

“Is that goin’ to be enough time?” He asks with alarm.

She snorts. “I don’t think it’s going to take more than a couple of minutes but I like your confidence.”

He frowns.

“It’s been two months, Alec.”

He leans back in his chair and folds his arms across his chest. “Yes, well, I’ve lots I’d like to do to you.”

“Neither of us have had more than ninety minutes of sleep at a time for eight weeks,” Ellie replies. “Let’s not pretend it’s going to be an Olympic event.”

“Our Olympic days are not behind us, you know,” Alec responds.

Aila drops her head back, mouth open, and looks up at Ellie expectantly. Ellie peels down her other bra cup and switches her over to the other side.

“Yeah, okay.”

There’s a knock on the mostly open door and Brian appears. He spots Ellie.

“Oh, hey, El!”

She holds out a hand to him, all she can offer at the moment. He squeezes it then she pulls it back.

“Blimey, you look fantastic.”

She smiles, tilting her head to the side. “Oh, stop.”

Alec clears his throat. She looks at him and he nods at her other bra cup, which is still open. She fastens it quickly. Brian looks at Alec awkwardly.

“…Toxicology report you should see, sir.”

“Be down in a mo,” Alec replies with a terse nod.

Brian nods back, then smiles sheepishly at Ellie. “Good to see you, El.”

“You too, Brian.”

Brian ducks out of the room. Aila finishes eating, and Ellie brings her to her chest and burps her.

“Don’t like that.” Alec gets up from behind his desk and goes to sit on the edge. “The way he looked at you.”

“It’s _Dirty Brian_ ,” Ellie says dismissively.

“You’re the mother of my child, people should know better than to – “

She’s glaring at him. “To _what_.”

He remains disgruntled. “To _leer_ at you.”

“God’s sake, Alec, no one’s _leering_ , it’s just the polite thing to say to a woman post-birth,” Ellie says. “It’s good for my ego, let it be.”

He moves to sit on the couch next to her. “Let _me_ be good for your ego.”

She looks at him a moment, then says, “Take the baby.”

He takes the baby. She refastens her bra and buttons up her shirt. She takes the baby back, and he waits for her to say whatever it is she’s trying not to say. She stands.

“You’ve no idea what it feels like to – to not recognize yourself when you look in the mirror,” she says finally. “And to feel like you only exist to provide nutrients to a tiny human being who sees you and immediate thinks _food_. Even one little compliment from someone who isn’t you, you who are _obligated_ , can make my whole day in ways you cannot imagine.”

Alec is listening to her with his mouth open, desperate to interrupt her but thinking better of it.

“On the off-chance that someone _should_ want to leer at this forty-three-year-old lactation machine, you will bloody well let them.”

He stands, shaking his head, and says, “Ellie, I’m not _obligated_ – “

She looks back at him dubiously. “ _That’s_ what you got out of this?” She heads for the door with the baby. “Typical bloke, make it about you.”

He follows her, dumbfounded. She goes to her desk and puts Aila in her carrier, buckling her in.

“Okay, lovely, time for us to say bye-bye to Daddy.”

Alec is lost for words. She looks at him and gestures to the baby impatiently. He goes to the carrier and kisses her.

“Bye-bye, darlin’, be good for Mummy.”

The whole office is watching. And he is acutely aware of this. He takes her little hand and rubs it with his thumb. Aila looks up at him contentedly, always relaxed by his presence. This look in her eyes has been known to make his own eyes well up.

He kisses her hand. “Daddy loves you so much.”

Ellie grabs the carrier abruptly. “See you later then.”

“Ellie.”

“Bring home something for dinner unless you want to cook because I’m not going to,” she says, setting off. “Bye, all!”

They all call back various forms of goodbyes to her, too casually, trying to pretend they haven’t been watching and listening.

Alec shoves his hands into his pockets and dejectedly walks back into his office, closing the door.

*

Ellie and Aila spend most of the day watching ‘80s movies. This is Ellie’s coping mechanism whenever she feels sorry for herself. She gorges herself on chocolate, Aila gorges herself on breast milk, and they alternate between sleeping and enjoying movie scores with synthesizers.

Sometime in the mid-afternoon, Aila is asleep in her bassinet, and Ellie stands in front of the full-length mirror in their bedroom. She’s lost a lot of the weight she’d gained and is getting much closer to fitting back into her old clothes. In fact some things with a stretchy fabric and a forgiving waistband she can already manage. But her waistline is not quite perceptible yet and her breasts are outrageous, to her mind, and her stretchmarks are driving her mad.

She’s motivated to put away the chocolate and finds a low-fat yoghurt in the fridge. She gets halfway through it before Aila wakes up, and the rest sits on the kitchen table for who knows how long.

*

Alec spends most of the day trying to think of things he could bring home that would make her feel beautiful.

There’s nothing, really. He’s confident he can do it with his lips and his hands, but a physical manifestation he can acquire and offer to her…not so much.

He picks up flowers anyway. A KitKat, a scotch egg.

They fight all the time, but typically their fights resolve themselves by the end of the conversation, or it’s the kind of fight where they both walk away and immediately know it was pointless and petty and they therefore never speak of it again. A prolonged row happens now and then, but is fairly rare. Their relationship has undergone many changes in the little over a year they’ve been together, and they’ve already gone through far more phases during this time than the average couple. But this feels like a new one. Born from the stress of co-parenting an infant, of settling into their new life, of realizing their relationship will never again be what it was when it first began. It will be just as good, possibly even better, but an adjustment all the same.

He thinks about bringing home a bottle of wine. She hasn’t had alcohol in over nine months, still hasn’t indulged since the baby was born because the idea of a pump and dump is so wildly unappealing to her. Much as she might be glad to have a glass of wine in hand in the moment, he knows she’ll be silently resentful of him later when she’s stuck with the breast pump.

He stops to pick up Japanese food after work, from the out of the way place Ellie and Daisy like just outside of town. Ellie has been quite happy to reintroduce raw fish into her diet.

Alec makes it home around 6pm and finds the kids all sitting around the kitchen table doing homework. (Fred is coloring, but just as studiously.) He drops two massive takeaway bags on the table and they all attack it like wild animals. He lets them fend for themselves while he seeks out Ellie.

He finds her in the nursery, blinds drawn, a tiny elephant lamp lit on the dresser. The sound machine is turned on, white noise, and she stands by the crib with Aila cradled in her arms, swaying back and forth. She’s also singing “What a Feeling” from _Flashdance_. It would take him a minute to recognize the song in its usual iteration, but as a lullaby it takes him a little longer. She’s been truly upset if she’s been watching ‘80s films.

He stands in the doorway, unseen, holding a bouquet of flowers and a scotch egg at either side. For a while, he just leans on the door frame and watches. Aila’s eyelids are heavy, he can see, but she’s fighting it. She also has a fistful of Ellie’s shirt in one hand, making this the first time Alec can remember ever seeing her _grab_ something. He could never have expected for something like this to make him so emotional. Perhaps it’s that she’s grabbing onto Ellie, clinging to her mother.

Involuntarily, he sniffs, causing Ellie to turn and see him. He smiles sheepishly. To his utter relief, she offers him a half-smile back and keeps rocking Aila. Alec holds up the flowers in one hand and the scotch egg in the other, weighing them back and forth. She points to the scotch egg. He puts down the flowers and approaches her, holding out the scotch egg at face level. She takes a giant bite, then smiles at him, closed-lipped, with her mouth full. He loves her so much.

He leaves the rest of the scotch egg on the changing table, then points downward, a gesture indicating he’ll be downstairs. She nods.

In the dining room, the kids have somehow already finished half of what he brought home. He quickly steals as much of Ellie’s favourites as he can and brings them into the kitchen to save for her. Then he grabs a veggie roll for himself, very much _not_ in demand as far as the kids are concerned, and sits at the table with them.

About five minutes later, Ellie comes down without Aila, utterly delighted to see everyone at the table, and even more delighted to see Japanese food.

Covering his mouthful of sushi with his hand, Alec says, “Kitchen,” and points. Then he follows her into the kitchen. As she makes a plate for herself, he leans against the counter.

“Good job on dinner,” she casually, not looking at him.

“Ellie.” He takes a few steps toward her until she is within reaching distance, head bowed looking at her plate. He tucks some fallen hair behind her ear. Then she looks at him. “I’m sorry.”

She nods and smiles a bit half-heartedly. She is vaguely aware that she has overreacted a _little_ , but she also knows that this is a subject that is likely to come up again, and she needs him to be on the same page she is.

He steps behind her, arms circling her waist, and plants a kiss on her shoulder. She relaxes into him.

“Whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself…that’s what you’ll have,” he says quietly, with a kiss to her neck. “Doesn’t matter what I think, matters what _you feel_.”

Ellie exhales. He gets it. “Thank you.”

He buries his face between her neck and shoulder. “Baby asleep?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Beth still takin’ her later on?”

Ellie grins. He can’t see it, but he can feel it. “’Course. You think just because we’re fighting means I’m going to give up a good fuck?”

His arms tighten around her and he chuckles into her skin. “Not you, my love.” He slides one hand down to her thigh. And then to the inside of her thigh. “Gonna make you feel so good tonight.”

He can feel her shiver. He rubs her inner thigh and she seems to melt back into him. She drops her head back against his shoulder with a sigh.

“Want you now more than ever before,” he whispers in her ear, before taking her lobe in his mouth.

“No you don’t…” She protests weakly.

He bites her earlobe then soothes it with his tongue. “Every time I see you with our daughter, I’m more in love.”

He can feel her hot cheeks blushing when she replies, “No…you’re not…”

The hand on her inner thigh moves upwards. “Fuckin’ _am._ ”

There’s a pause, then she whispers, “Our daughter.”

He could not possibly be holding her tighter. “Our daughter.”

Then Fred rushes in. “Want more rice.”

They separate quickly, shaking away the dizziness and the arousal, or at least trying to.

“Give me your plate, love.” She takes Fred’s plate and puts more rice on it, then hands it back. “Careful with that.”

He leaves the kitchen again. Ellie turns back to Alec again, and they both smile, flushed and a little embarrassed. Then she goes and kisses him.

“Soon,” she whispers, then pulls away.

She takes her own plate and whisks away into the dining room. He takes a few breaths before joining them again. As they eat, and listen to their children chatter away, Alec reaches for her hand under the table.

 _Soon_.

*


	2. Chapter 2

The next hour feels like agony.

Aila wakes up shortly after they finish eating. Alec, admittedly, doesn’t mind this so much because he’s spent the whole day missing her. He takes care of the baby while Ellie gives Fred a bath. He is unsurprisingly covered in sticky rice.

They both keep looking at their watches, anxiously awaiting Beth’s arrival. Tom and Daisy are suspicious, but too afraid to ask.

Ellie puts Fred to bed as Alec prepares Aila to go off with Beth for a few hours. Once Fred is down, she finds them in the nursery. Aila is lying on her changing table as Alec double checks the content of her bag.

“Hi, my baby,” Ellie coos as she picks her up. “Oh, such a good girl.” She holds her tightly to her chest and kisses her incessantly.

“Got everythin’.”

“Go get the breast milk out of the freezer,” Ellie says.

“Right.”

He heads downstairs with the bag and she follows with Aila. A few minutes later, Aila is tucked away in her carrier and her parents are waiting with her by the door.

Tom and Daisy enter the foyer.

“…Why are you waiting by the door with the baby,” Daisy says, eyebrow raised.

“Um. Beth’s going to take her for a few hours,” Ellie replies.

“ _Why_ ,” Tom questions.

Alec shifts his weight around uncomfortably. “Bit of alone time, that’s all.”

Tom and Daisy look at each other. Then grimace. “Oh god.”

The doorbell rings. Aila is handed off to Beth, after Alec and Ellie quickly rattle off instructions and a haphazard summary of what she likes. As soon as the door closes, Tom and Daisy see the look in their eyes and _instantly_ scatter.

Alec and Ellie fly to each other like magnets, lips crashing together, bodies melded. He pushes her back against the door causing Ellie to gasp.

“GO UPSTAIRS!” Tom shouts at the top of his lungs. “God’s sake!”

They register his request only barely. Alec grips her thighs and lifts her up. She hooks her ankles together at his back and he carries her toward the stairs.

She looks at him in surprise. “How’s your back?”

He responds merely by kissing her as he ascends the stairs, slowly but urgently all the same.

“DISGUSTING!” Daisy yells, as they catch a glimpse of them moving up the stairs.

They make it into their bedroom and Alec kicks the door shut. They accidentally run into the dresser, then he pushes her into the wall. He lets go of her thighs and she slides slowly down the wall until her feet hit the floor. She fumbles with the buttons of his shirt while he busies himself kissing her fervently, hungrily, unable to stop for air. His erection at her stomach is already driving her crazy. As she pushes his shirt off his shoulders, his lips move to her neck. He bites and sucks at her skin in a way he hasn’t in ages. Panting, Ellie grins and thinks with glee that his vampiric tendencies have returned.

“Oh _fuck_ , harder,” she gasps.

He bites into her harder. She doesn’t care if he draws blood. She _wants_ him too.

She grabs his arse and squeezes it with both hands. “ _Harder_.”

He stops when he tastes blood. Just a little, but enough. He runs his tongue over the broken skin and then sucks at it. She keeps one hand at his arse and the other runs through his hair, pulling at it. He rubs his erection against her as his lips start to move along her collarbone over to her other shoulder. He pulls at the neckline of her shirt to get more access.

“Ach, Ellie.”

“Yeah.” Both hands are in his hair now, her head tilted to the side. “Oh god.”

His hands start grasping at her breasts through her top. “Christ, I want you.” He goes for the buttons.

She stops him. “No.”

“ _El_ –“

“Let me. I need to do it. All of it, me.”

Breathing heavily, he takes a step back from her, studying her face. Then he nods, hair wild and falling into his face. “All right.”

Ellie guides him over to the bed and sits him down on the edge. He forces himself to wait patiently, no matter how tights his trousers are. She stands in front of him, a foot or two away, and begins unbuttoning her shirt. It's not meant to be a tantalizing striptease. It's about control, it's about taking back ownership of her body, about giving herself rather than being taken.

But meanwhile, Alec is vaguely aware that he is practically drooling in anticipation. She pulls the shirt off one sleeve at a time, revealing her black nursing bra.

Not sexy. She takes a deep breath.

She slips her fingers under waistband of her flowy trousers, pushes them down and steps out of them, revealing white knickers that don’t match.

Not sexy. She takes another deep breath.

Alec is staring at her hungrily. He can't help reaching down to touch himself. It’s all _very_ sexy to him.

She closes the gap between them until she’s standing in between his legs. Then she reaches back and unclasps her bra, letting it fall away. Alec reaches out and places his palm flat on her chest, just beneath her clavicle. Then he drags it down, between her breasts, between her ribs, down to her stomach, slipping it over her belly button and down to her waist.

Slowly, she feels little pieces of her confidence falling back into place.

Alec grips her hips and pulls her even closer, his lips going to her sternum, kissing her slowly, tantalizingly, all over. He sits back on the bed, pulling her onto his lap until she’s straddling him, his face in her breasts. She reaches betweem them and unfastens his trousers, allowing him to be just a _little_ more comfortable. He’s kissing her breasts, hands roaming her naked back, and he exhales at the literal release.

It’s possible he’s never been so hard in his _life_. And especially considering this past year with Ellie, that’s saying something. After two months, he’s aching to be inside her in a way he never could have understood before.

“Christ, Ellie, the things you do to me,” he murmurs into her skin.

The utter _earnestness_ of his words – always, but especially today – is what turns her on, what makes her _believe_ him. He’s so incredibly sincere, it’s like the words just tumble out of him and he has no control. It arouses her beyond measure. She buries a hand in his unfastened trousers, rubbing him gently, even more aroused by how badly he wants her. How she can _feel_ it. She's grinning and when he notices, he jerks his hips and she strokes him a little more insistently. 

Her eyes are closed and her other hand is in his hair when his tongue flicks her nipple. And then again. There’s a question in it, she can feel. She opens her eyes to find him looking up at her, with a vulnerable sort of desperation coloring his expression.

She bites her lip. “Haven’t pumped…”

“I know.” It’s not hard to tell.

She hesitates, then says quietly, “If you want to…”

Of course he wants to. He’s desperate to be close to her, always, he’d crawl inside her skin if he could, and this is the most intimate way he could possibly be a part of her.

The need is plain on his face. He takes her nipple in his mouth, circles it with his tongue, and then begins to suck.

It’s not his first time tasting it, she’s leaked here and there while they’ve been fumbling in the dark, but this is different. He feels an instant sense of _calm_ , and can tell she does too. The arousal is still there, very much so, but the urgency has relaxed and everything seems to slow down.

He strokes her other breast with his fingers, squeezing and kneading it, and she starts moving her hips slowly over him, teasing his cock. The calm he feels mixed with the blinding arousal that is still so present is...a _devastating_ combination.

He pulls back to look up at her, somehow both hungry and sated, and she looks down at him with a soft smile that tugs at him in every way.

“Incredible,” he whispers, as if he’d only meant to think it and not say it. “Okay for you?” He’s a little afraid to hear her answer, because he’s enjoying it so much.

She kisses his hair, then his temple. “Yes.”

He smiles gratefully, hands sliding up and down her back, fingers pressing into her skin. Then she gently guides him backwards, down onto the bed, and props herself up over him, a hand on either side of his head. He holds her other breast to his mouth and sucks as she grinds into him, hanging her head and moaning softly. Her movements begin to quicken and he can feel he’s getting way, way too close.

He lets go of her breast to stop her. “El.”

“Mm.”

“Love. Look at me.”

She raises her head and he reaches out to push her hair out of her face. “Let me be inside you first.” He doesn’t say _that’s the whole point_ , that’s what they’ve been waiting two whole months for. Because she immediately knows it. Her eyes widen and there’s something apologetic in them. She’s perhaps gotten a little too used to all the dry humping and snogging that leads to nowhere. “’s all right.”

Ellie moves off of him, to the side, and lets him maneuver out of his trousers. Then he crawls on top of her and kisses her. She tastes her own milk on his lips and it’s oddly arousing to them both. They begin to devour each other, tongues dancing, or sometimes fighting, embracing the messiness of it all.

Alec slides a hand down in between them, and into her knickers. This is the first time in months she’s let him touch her properly there and they’re both quickly moaning into the kiss. He strokes her gently at first, rubbing, exploring, re-orienting himself, reminding himself of what she likes. Not that he hasn’t gone to sleep with a hard-on imagining it plenty of times. She spreads her legs and bends one knee, lifting her hips into his hand.

“S’okay?”

She nods fervently, panting, and he slips a finger inside her. They both groan happily. He moves his lips to her neck and she grips his shoulders as his thumb rubs at her clit.

“Oh god,” she exhales. “Fuck, fuck.”

“Relax,” he whispers in her ear. “Gonna take good care of you.”

Something between a gasp and a cry comes out of her when he slips in another finger. “Christ almighty.”

“Mm.” He bites into her shoulder, avoiding the wound he's already made, and crooks his fingers inside her at the same time.

She’s holding onto him so tightly now, nails digging into flesh, she’s so close.

“ _Alec_.”

He moves his lips down to her collarbone and sucks at her skin. She arches her back and pushes into his hand.

“ _Please_.”

He focuses his work on her clit and in a few seconds she’s crying out, panting through her orgasm, coming down with a overwhelmed and breathless whimper. He pulls his hand out and wipes it on the sheet, moving to lie next to her, watching her expression change, her chest rise and fall. He’s succeeded in making her come a few times through the pesky fabric of her leggings and knickers, but the orgasms were quiet, not explosive, not like this. And god, he’s missed hearing her like this. Feeling her like this.

He kisses her cheek and touches the other cheek with his hand, turning her head to face him. “Gorgeous,” he says. “So bloody sexy.”

She grins, blushing a deep red, and he kisses her lips, immediately parting them with his tongue. She leans into the kiss, crawling on top of him, reaching down to stroke him through his briefs. His moan is positively gutteral. He pulls down her knickers and she removes them entirely. Then she keeps stroking, so lightly, knowing how in this moment less is more, and he's whimpering.

“Get them off,” she whispers against his lips.

He wastes no time. He pulls his briefs off and doesn’t care if he ever sees them again. He lies back down and she straddles him. With a deeply mischievous grin, she curls her fingers around him and slowly, so slowly, slides her hand up and down.

“Nnnng, not gonna last, El,” he barely manages to gasp out.

“S’okay, baby.” She gives him one deep, fervent kiss, then guides him inside her slowly.

“Good _christ_ ,” he pants.

He grasps onto her hips and she throws her head back, sighing.

“Feel all right?”

She leans over, propping herself up just above him. “Fucking _amazing_.”

She begins moving over him and closes her eyes. He doesn’t. His hands are in her hair and cupping her face and he can’t stop looking at her.

“God I’ve missed you.”

His hand glides along her spine and she drops her head to his chest as she begins to move a little faster. He rolls them onto their sides, gripping her leg and hooking it over his hip. He thrusts inside her, kissing her, squeezing her thigh to keep her in place. Her eyes are open now and neither one of them can look away. She holds onto his face and kisses him softly, langorously, as he exerts his energy on thrusting, deeper now.

“Feel so good inside me,” she mutters, causing him to push in deeper, and then her to gasp and grin. "So fucking good."

He pushes her onto her back and takes her breast in his mouth again. She raises her hips to meet his over and over and he knows he can’t take it much longer. He licks her nipple then lifts his head to meet her wild, bright gaze.

“Need to come, El.”

He changes the angle just slightly and then _she_ comes unexpectedly, crying out, and he follows, gasping her name and collapsing onto her. They lie silently for a few moments, holding tightly to one another, waiting until their breath comes back to them. She runs her fingers through his damp hair, he kisses her chest, tongue tasting her skin, both sweet and salty from sweat.

“Bloody love you,” he says.

“Mm, me too,” she replies, fingers tracing his spine.

“Love the way you taste, way you feel, way you sound.”

She kisses the top of his head, content to simply hold him on top of her and breathe together. Finally he pulls out of her, then props himself up to look down at her.

“What a vision you are.”

She blushes and looks away, but she can’t hide her smile. He plants a kiss on her throat, then moves to lay beside her.

“Took longer than a couple a’minutes now, didn’t it?” He says with a grin.

“Bit.”

His fingertips roam her body and he watches them studiously, studying _her_. The body he knows better than his own. She watches his face, then reaches out to trace different parts of it. His brow, his nose, his cheek, his jaw. She makes it to his lips and he kisses her fingers, then looks at her again.

“’m never takin’ my hands off you ever again.”

“Baby’s going to have some opinions about that,” Ellie replies.

“Good thing she’s not yet learned to _speak._ ” He kisses the top of her breast. Then he cozies up to her, a leg between hers, arm draped over her waist, head on her shoulder. “You in pain at all?”

She shakes her head. “No.”

He spends a little while playing with her breasts and rubbing up against her. It’ll be some time before he can get an another erection, but it doesn’t stop him from being wildly turned on by her. She’s very much enjoying the attention, feeling like her old self, like _their_ old selves, just reveling in each other’s bodies because they can.

“Christ, you are lovely,” he says softly, reverently, as he moves over her and kisses his way down her body.

He finds his favorite spot, just below her belly button, and begins sucking a mark into her flesh. And it’s a clear indicator of what’s about to come next. Literally and figuratively. He kisses his way down to her inner thigh, parting her legs and settling between them. He licks at the crease between her thigh and pelvic bone and thinks that he’s missed this just as much as he’s missed being inside her. His tongue plays with her entrance, swiping up and down, and then he feels both her hands tangled in his hair as she raises her hips. He grips both thighs and pulls her down down against him, delving his tongue inside her.

“ _Yes_ …. _please_ …”

He’s missed that too. He brings his tongue to her clit and her whole body begins to writhe. He lays a hand on her stomach to still her, then sucks on it relentlessly until she’s muttering his name over and over like she’s gone round the bend. Changing his position, he slips a finger inside her, then a second, and fucks them in and out as he sucks on her clit. She’s gripping the sheets, arching her back, and he has to physically hold her thighs apart, but he doesn’t stop.

“I’m there…I’m there…” She whimpers. “Do it. _Please_. Do it."

He knows what she wants. And she knows he knows. He slips a third finger in and flicks his tongue rapidly over her clit until she cries out, reaching back to hold onto the headboard, pushing into his mouth as she comes. It crashes through her and her whole body shudders, then suddenly she goes completely limp.

He raises his head to look at her. She glances down and smirks.

“Good look on you.”

He plants a kiss on her thigh and hops out of bed, running to the ensuite to clean himself up. When he comes back to bed, she’s still lying on her back, sprawled out, now with her eyes closed and a drowsy smile on her face. He lies next to her and kisses the smile. Her eyelids flutter open. He leans down and kisses her again.

“Hope you _feel_ as sexy as you look,” he comments.

She strokes his beard affectionately. “So daft.”

Alec pulls her against him until he’s lying on his back, her head on his chest. He plays with her hair absently while her fingers dance over his chest.

“How long do we have, d’you think?” He questions.

“Dunno. While, I guess.”

“Could get an hour of sleep in…”

“Mmm…” She kisses his chest. “Naked cuddle sleep.”

He smiles and kisses her hair. “Your favorite kind.”

“And yours!”

“And mine.”

“Set an alarm,” Ellie says, snuggling as close to him as she possibly can. “Else we could sleep for _days_.”

He finds his mobile somewhere on the nightstand and sets an alarm. The sleep-deprived parents fall asleep almost instantly in each other’s arms, bodies warm and still slick with sweat. They ignore the alarm for a full minute when it goes off an hour later, until Alec eventually turns it off. He forces himself to sit up, stretching. Ellie rolls over onto her back and rubs her eyes.

“I’ll go get the baby,” he offers, climbing out of bed.

While he’s gone, Ellie runs through a quick shower and then changes the sheets when she realizes she can’t remember the last time they did. She is moisturized and minty by the time Alec walks into the room holding Aila, who is slightly drowsy from the short car ride.

“Beth says she hardly cried at all,” Alec announces proudly, closing the bedroom door behind them.

Ellie goes to them, face lit up. “Well, of course not,” she coos. “Not _my_ perfect baby.” She lifts Aila out of Alec’s arms and into her own. “Hello, my sweet girl.”

“Apparently she fussed a bit at the start, then was fine after Beth gave her a bottle. Dozed off for about thirty minutes, woke up needin’ to changed, then she and Beth watched telly ‘til I showed up.”

Alec sits down on the bed and takes his shoes off, then the rest of his clothes until he’s down to his briefs. Ellie is in her dressing gown. 

“Awfully good start as child-minding goes,” Ellie comments.

Alec walks into the loo and does his teeth. Ellie gets into bed with Aila, opening up her dressing gown to nurse her.

“Tom and Daiz, gone to bed, did you notice?”

He nods as he walks back to the bed. “Sound machines blarin’.”

“Oops.” She cringes. "More I think about it though, it can only be a _healthy_ thing to know that your parents love each other so much, yeah? Healthy sex life, happy home?"

"Yeah, why not."

He lifts the covers and gets into bed beside them. He looks down at Aila, hungrily sucking away.

“Always starvin’, isn’t she?”

“Well, she’s got a lot of extra growing to do,” Ellie replies. “Don’t you, my sweet?” She kisses the baby’s head.

Alec finds the telly remote, switching it on as he curls up next to her. “Keep on with _Downton Abbey_?”

She has unexpectedly gotten him hooked on the show, too many years too late. It’s a rewatch for her.

“Go on.”

The episode starts, the score filling the room, then Alec turns to her. “Our sex life is still olympic, right?”

Ellie chuckles to herself, as _Downton_ plays on the telly and a baby is attached to her nipple. “Yeah why not.” Aila opens her mouth and drops her head back, looking up at Ellie expectantly. “Oh, what, are you not getting enough attention, little girl?” She guides the baby back to her nipple and she takes it contentedly.

“Still made you come three times tonight,” Alec says, determined.

She leans over to kiss him. “You certainly did.”

“Seem much more relaxed.”

“I am extremely relaxed.”

“All right.” Satisfied for now, he reaches for her free hand and holds it between them, turning his attention to the telly.

She leans her head on his shoulder. “All right.”

***


End file.
